Why do I make myself the character creator in every video game?

the day i started here Kotaku Back in 2022, very first post At the top of what I wrote was a picture of a character who looked exactly like me. This was my custom V cyberpunk 2077And he's appeared on this site more than a few times as I've covered the game and its Phantom Liberty Expansion, But he's not the only character who looks like me to have graced the Kotaku Homepage in the last one and a half years. My baldur's gate 3 enchanting, street fighter 6 AvatarAnd dragon's dogma 2 has arisen Everyone has registered their presence Kotaku Ever since I came here. hell, My pokemon character Look like a younger version of me. If you're tired of seeing too many bald, bearded, gay men KotakuHome page of Don't Worry; Every editor I've worked with here has asked me at least once not to use my avatars on every article I post Even my friends scold me for this,

But why do all my characters look like me? If you like any game baldur's gate 3 going to give me Lots of options for creating characters Being of different races, classes and backgrounds, why do I always end up playing myself? Am I not depriving myself of the possibilities that these developers have created by only experiencing the games with my own eyes? Well, for me, different paths and options are things I love learning about. after Playing a game for the first time. Sports have become a place for me to first explore my identity, values, and decisions. Everything else is extra.

It's worth noting that this is easy for me to do. As a white man with no hair and beard, you'd be hard-pressed to find a game that didn't have options that required me to create a digital replica of myself, whereas I know plenty of people of color who have played. Are in issues with character creators Doesn't match their skin color or hair texture, In fact, the biggest obstacle I face in making myself in most games is that not every game lets me be a short 5'3″ king (thanks to Capcom for letting me be a short guy). street fighter 6 And dragon's dogma 2, though), but I get it to work. like in sports too sound force Which doesn't let me be human, I give my Fursona some defined piece of clothing that makes it clear that I am the only one in that universe. As far as why I do it, as my therapist says about everything I do: preparing myself for every game is actually probably a trauma response.

One of the most creative internet spaces for me in my teenage years was now defunct bioware forums, I was on these forums almost daily in 2009 and 2010 mass effect 2 Was coming out. The original game was my all-time favorite and had a hand in helping me form my own identity as a gay man. So naturally, as the sequel was getting closer, I was looking for word on the forums about whether or not protagonist Commander Shepard would be able to enter into a homosexual relationship this time around. It did not succeed until mass Effect 3But I have had to watch some disgusting homophobic discourse unfold where gay fans, especially gay men, have to argue with the most stubborn bigots who attempt to intellectualize them.

I still remember a lot of Internet randos making sweeping, blanket declarations about Commander Shepard's eccentric character. This was a hero upon whom I went out of my way to project all my values ​​and personality, and yet homophobic assholes were interpreting any in-game interaction as “proof” that the first human was the Spectre. Every version was a heterosexual. Not that BioWare helped during those worst online battles.

mass Effect'S The long fight for inclusive relationships For years it was hampered by BioWare's own insistence that its protagonist was a “pre-defined” Heterosexual, despite otherwise being composed entirely of choices made by the player. This insistence that my Shepard wasn't gay like me made those games difficult for me, to the point where I was being so deliberate in my decisions that it seemed as if I was gay. actively rebel against this notion,

Ultimately, mass Effect 3 Along came, and after being presented with a one-sided love story on two for two games, I got the chance to see my Shepard enter into a relationship with Major Kaidan Alenko. This experience, of being told who my characters were and could be, made me determined to never leave room for doubt again. Things have gotten a little better since then mass EffectBut gay men in AAA games are still not the default and only an option, often given less love, It feels like for so long being told that these stories weren't about me or that people like me have changed the way I play the game.

Games, for me, have become a tool Self-exploration as opposed to world exploration, It's almost like I treat sports the way I always do capture it In a new world, which I navigate as if I were personally faced with the same choices and challenges as my digital replicas, making slight adjustments in keeping with the story being told.

my version of v cyberpunk 2077 Spent his whole life in metropolitan night city, but he still holds out my hope for a better, less dystopian future in the company of the people he loves. My Renegade Shepard is the embodiment of my teenage angst, so by the time I reached Mass Effect: AndromedaMay my Pathfinder rider embody my hope for the future. in my mind baldur's gate 3 He captures my self-destructive, hopeless romantic tendencies as he pursues his mentor and his relationship with his lover, Gail. My pokemon trainer? I don't know, he like electric rat A lot, and wears a red hat most days.

To me, creating a hero in a video game is not about creating an original character and immersing yourself in another identity. I am leaving a time capsule of who I was, who I am and who I hope to become. Each of the characters I left behind captured a moment in my life when I was angry, hopeful, or, in some cases, before 2018, when I had hair on my head instead of my face. But through their stories, I have drawn my own map. If I live these stories, they will last My,